This I Believe: Linda Bennett

As delivered to the Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County on Sunday, February 1, 2009:

When I was a child, my grandmother made her home with us. I didn’t get along with her very well. In my memory, whenever she came into the room, she expected my mother’s full attention. I was to be “seen and not heard” when the grownups were talking. “I got no respect.”

So the importance of respect resonated with me; it is one of my core beliefs. I took to heart the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Later, I broadened my understanding: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” And “others” includes children, not just adults.

When my children were young, I made a decision to show them the same respect I would show an adult. My children always seemed to want me as soon as the phone rang, “Mommmeeeee!” (and tugging on me), like Pavlov’s dogs salivating when he rang a bell (“ding, ding”). But I made it a point to ask my child to wait a minute while I heard out the person on the phone, and then I would ask the person on the phone to please wait – and I would give my child my undivided attention for a minute or two. I wanted my children to know that their questions had value and that if they gave me the respect of waiting their turn, I would give them the respect to hear them out.

I wish my husband and I had known about the Ethical Culture Sunday School when our children were young. We would have been so pleased for them to learn humanist and ethical values in a community that shared our beliefs. Since we did not belong to any religious community, they felt somewhat isolated. Most of their friends were Catholic, and when my daughter, Samantha, was in middle school, the Catholic youth group was the place to go. She not only joined the youth group, but also became their first Jewish peer minister (essentially a peer counselor for youth group members who preferred talking to a peer rather an adult). It did not lead her to join the church, however.

Samantha and her then-fiancé, Mark, were married by Joe Chuman five years ago and joined the Society. In Ethical Culture, they found a community that reflected their beliefs.