When asked to come up with adjectives that broadly describe me -- even though I bristle at this type of reductivism -- I would say that I am a progressive, left-leaning, feminist, environmentally-conscious, Toyota Prius-driving, skeptical, accordion-playing humanist.
Probably eight out of ten people that I interact with on a day-to-day basis -- in my family, in my job and here at the Ethical Culture Society -- also define themselves as progressive, left-leaning, feminist, environmentally-conscious, skeptical humanists. Some also drive Priuses (Prii?) and one or two even play the accordion.
I’m a proud integrationist. I believe that life has more meaning, vibrancy and zest when it is lived amid a swirl of ideas, sights, sounds and tastes. I intentionally sought to live in a community that ripples with the spirit of diversity: where people of different races, religions and ethnic backgrounds all co-exist, within close proximity -- albeit sometimes uneasily. I feel strongly that my children benefit from attending schools full of young people from different races, ethnicities and backgrounds.
These integrationist tendencies also manifest themselves in my personal preferences. I play my iPod on shuffle mode to enjoy the juxtaposition of Bach, Sammy Davis Junior, sufi music, delta blues and Tuvan throat singing. My favorite meal is a melange of pesto, bi bim bap, biryani and sashimi (and I am therefore eternally grateful for the food bar at the Whole Foods that recently opened in Paramus.)
So here’s the challenge for a person like me: how to co-exist with people don’t share my zest for mixing things up and who may prefer a more segregated approach to living?
This question has become key to life in Teaneck today.
Teaneck’s self-identify is inextricably wrapped up in its pride about being the first town in America to voluntarily integrate its school system over 40 years ago. In Teaneck, among the “old school” types (like me) there’s this undercurrent of progressive exceptionalism that we wear like a badge of honor.
However, in recent years, Teaneck diversity has also included a growing number people who do not necessarily share the integrationist values that I hold so dear.
Some folks in town spend what I consider to be an inordinate amount of time and energy engaging in religious rituals that hold no meaning or interest to me other than in strictly anthropological sense. They are more or less comfortable with patriarchal constructs within the family and enforced gender separation in worship, school and social events that I believe to be an anathema. These folks allows communal standards to dictate what they can and can’t wear, what they can and can’t eat, when they can drive a car, mow their lawn, hold an umbrella, spend money and be intimate with their spouses.
This exposure to people who don’t share my life choices, has forced me to confront prejudices that I would have otherwise never knew I possessed. It has made me more aware of the particular orthodoxies to which I subscribe, and the degree to which my life is as dictated as theirs by a set of communal standards about how one lives their life.
As I’ve gotten to know my neighbors in the actual rather than the abstract, I’ve found that we have a lot more in common than I would’ve previously allowed myself to believe.
It has been through a gradual process of getting to know people who live their lives by a different paradigm, that I am slowly trying to climb off my high horse of liberal sanctimony when it comes to the life choices of others.
This has helped me to be less adversarial, to feel hopeful about the changes that are occurring in my community and to rededicate myself to finding common solutions to local problems that capitalize on the values that we all share, which, it turns out, outweigh our differences.
So every day, I try to remind myself not to relegate people to categorical boxes. Every individual deserves my respect, not just the people with whom I am philosophically aligned.
This I Believe.
