This I Believe: Leigh Roumila

As delivered to the Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County on Sunday, March 29, 2009:

THIS I BELIEVE – by Leigh Roumila - January 18, 2009

Narrowing my beliefs down to one single sentence was the hardest part of getting this essay started. At first, it seemed overwhelming because I believe in so many things. But then it hit me. What makes me tear up, what gives me goosebumps, what gives me courage and makes me do things I really really don’t want to do, what supports me when I take the path less chosen, what inspires me and makes me proud to be part of the human race, what leaves me totally awestruck… is the ONE thing I completely believe in.

And that is the POWER OF LOVE.

And of course, I’m not talking about the idea of love that is perpetuated by popular culture, the romantic gimmick that true love is only available to the young and beautiful, that IT finds US and when it does, must, by definition, sweep us off our feet. No I’m talking about the love that lives much deeper. The love that is always right there just beneath the surface, the one we make room for when we overcome our fears and judgments and just forgive ourselves and the others in our life

This love is bigger than us individually; it is a community product that we all together create, sustain and can tap into at any time. Many in this world attribute it to Jesus, or some other spiritual master, and that is what gives those religious beliefs their power, but it is just as available to humanists. It is the glue that connects us to each other and to the world around us and it is behind the golden rule that Ethical Culture embraces: do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

This love causes miracles. Scientists have proven that baby monkies can be given enough food, water and shelter, but still die because they are not held and loved, and as Ellen McGrath points out in an article in Psychology Today, Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

I have found that one of the things that makes LOVE so powerful is how often it shows up unexpectedly and completely changes the anticipated outcome. Because of the results love produces, it IS breathtaking, it does have the power to sweep us off our feet.

When I was 29, after 32 weeks of a seemingly perfect pregnancy, I learned that the baby girl within me had died and that I was going to have to “give birth” in order to get her out of my body. My doctors advised that I go into birth spontaneously so as to reduce the risk of complications. So for two weeks I waited, for two weeks I grieved. Finally, unable to endure another moment, I called the hospital and told them to have a bed ready for me. I was coming in and was going to end this nightmare, no matter what. To make a long story short, after about 12 hours of on and off labor, I succeeded in pushing out my dead child. But what happened in that private room was completely unexpected. For the first time in two weeks, there was no sadness. There was no grief. There was no fear. There was only love. The nurse practitioner that had been assigned to me and had stayed with me for most of the night and into the early morning hours, completely opened her heart to whatever happened and in doing so allowed me to open myself in every way, to the power of a mother’s love. Between me, the baby, and this amazing other human being, the love in that room was palatable. And with it came waves of appreciation for the humbling power of the human experience, no matter the outcome.

And now many years later, dissecting that experience, I can see that that great sense of connection came about in large part because of the nurse’s complete focus on another person, her pure intention to be of service to me, her willingness to accept more than one reality, and her determination to ignore those inner voices saying she wasn’t up to the challenge. I left that room a much different person. I bet that nurse practitioner did so as well.

In short, I believe there are only two true emotions experienced by humans. One is fear, and the other is love. Everything else is just a version of one or the other. And as Jimi Hendrix said,

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

This I believe.