This I Believe: Leigh Roumila

As delivered to the Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County on Sunday, March 29, 2009:

THIS I BELIEVE – by Leigh Roumila - January 18, 2009

Narrowing my beliefs down to one single sentence was the hardest part of getting this essay started. At first, it seemed overwhelming because I believe in so many things. But then it hit me. What makes me tear up, what gives me goosebumps, what gives me courage and makes me do things I really really don’t want to do, what supports me when I take the path less chosen, what inspires me and makes me proud to be part of the human race, what leaves me totally awestruck… is the ONE thing I completely believe in.

And that is the POWER OF LOVE.

And of course, I’m not talking about the idea of love that is perpetuated by popular culture, the romantic gimmick that true love is only available to the young and beautiful, that IT finds US and when it does, must, by definition, sweep us off our feet. No I’m talking about the love that lives much deeper. The love that is always right there just beneath the surface, the one we make room for when we overcome our fears and judgments and just forgive ourselves and the others in our life

This love is bigger than us individually; it is a community product that we all together create, sustain and can tap into at any time. Many in this world attribute it to Jesus, or some other spiritual master, and that is what gives those religious beliefs their power, but it is just as available to humanists. It is the glue that connects us to each other and to the world around us and it is behind the golden rule that Ethical Culture embraces: do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

This love causes miracles. Scientists have proven that baby monkies can be given enough food, water and shelter, but still die because they are not held and loved, and as Ellen McGrath points out in an article in Psychology Today, Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

I have found that one of the things that makes LOVE so powerful is how often it shows up unexpectedly and completely changes the anticipated outcome. Because of the results love produces, it IS breathtaking, it does have the power to sweep us off our feet.

When I was 29, after 32 weeks of a seemingly perfect pregnancy, I learned that the baby girl within me had died and that I was going to have to “give birth” in order to get her out of my body. My doctors advised that I go into birth spontaneously so as to reduce the risk of complications. So for two weeks I waited, for two weeks I grieved. Finally, unable to endure another moment, I called the hospital and told them to have a bed ready for me. I was coming in and was going to end this nightmare, no matter what. To make a long story short, after about 12 hours of on and off labor, I succeeded in pushing out my dead child. But what happened in that private room was completely unexpected. For the first time in two weeks, there was no sadness. There was no grief. There was no fear. There was only love. The nurse practitioner that had been assigned to me and had stayed with me for most of the night and into the early morning hours, completely opened her heart to whatever happened and in doing so allowed me to open myself in every way, to the power of a mother’s love. Between me, the baby, and this amazing other human being, the love in that room was palatable. And with it came waves of appreciation for the humbling power of the human experience, no matter the outcome.

And now many years later, dissecting that experience, I can see that that great sense of connection came about in large part because of the nurse’s complete focus on another person, her pure intention to be of service to me, her willingness to accept more than one reality, and her determination to ignore those inner voices saying she wasn’t up to the challenge. I left that room a much different person. I bet that nurse practitioner did so as well.

In short, I believe there are only two true emotions experienced by humans. One is fear, and the other is love. Everything else is just a version of one or the other. And as Jimi Hendrix said,

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

This I believe.

NYSEC Advocacy Forum: Obama and the Future of the Imperial Presidency

Here is coverage of last night's NYSEC Advocacy Forum with panelists Elizabeth Holtzman, Lewis Lapham, and Michael Ratner and moderator Joseph Chuman. Joe is Leader of the Bergen Society and part-time Leader of the New York Society.

The video coverage in the above link is from Press TV, an Iranian news agency.

WSJ: Obama Walks Religious Tightrope Spanning Faithful, Nonbelievers

Yet another article covering the president's outreach to nonbelievers, this time in the Wall Street Journal. Of interest is the description of Obama's balancing act: policy changes to satisfy nonbelievers; and personal behavior, such his own use of prayer, to mollify the very religious.

USA Today: God-less 'congregations' planned for humanists

Interesting U.S.A Today article.

US News & World Report: Leaving Religion Behind: A Portrait of Nonreligious America

Nonreligious Americans represent the fastest-growing part of the nation's religious landscape

Is this a trend? This time the article is in US News & World Report.

Freethinkers sense nation near cultural shift

Ethical Culture continues to reap the benefits of rising national and local interest in humanism. This is evidenced most recently by The Bergen Record article of Thursday (3/12/08), in which staff writer John Chadwick reports Freethinkers Sense Nation Near Cultural Shift (click for article).

As if to tie the local and national scenes together, EC Sunday school teacher Lisa Repasky is prominently mentioned, as is the Secular Coalition for America (SCA), the DC-based organization that lobbies exclusively on behalf of nontheists. The Bergen Society's national umbrella organization, the American Ethical Union (AEU) is a member of the SCA.

Such press exposure underscores the need for local and national organizations to work together in common cause. The Bergen Society focuses on local issues, and its Sunday school is youth and family-focused. The SCA, on the other hand, concentrates on national issues of fairness, and leaves local action to its coalition members. But the two groups benefit from each others' efforts. Verily, this is common cause in action.

UPDATED: The Godless Rise As A Political Force

"Secularist, humanist, freethinking nontheists and atheists are coalescing into a movement with a real agenda"

The title and subtitle of this blog entry are borrowed from the cover story of the March 7 issue of the National Journal (see The Godless Rise As A Political Force (PDF)). In it, Paul Starobin reports on the growing number of religiously unaffiliated Americans and the political movement that grows with them. Center stage is the Secular Coalition for America, of which the American Ethical Union (Ethical Culture's national organization) is a member. Regulars will recall that the SCA's former Director, Lori Lipman Brown, who is prominently mentioned, addressed the Bergen Society last September.

There is an opportunity for religious humanism, the Ethical Culture movement in particular, to rise with this political tide. Ours is perhaps the largest family-friendly organization of nontheists in America today. As adult "questioners" hear more about the larger national movement, it seems inevitable that some will seek a sympathetic setting for their children. Who they gonna call?

If they are lucky enough to live near one, they'll call the Ethical Culture Society (see local Societies). Here their children will be taught critical thinking and ethical behavior without the burden of dogmatic belief. We better be ready!

THIS JUST IN: See Paul Starobin discuss his article (click) with callers on C-Span (was broadcast on Sunday, March 8, 2009, at 9:30am ET). Fast forward to 1:31:30.

Teaneck Kids Help Ugandan Orphans

Susan Lesh, foreground, serves at the Third Annual Pasta Dinner.
A fundraiser for the Tororo Orphans Club in Uganda. Hosted by the Bergen County Ethical Culture Society Sunday School.

Teaneck, NJ (Feb. 28, 2009) - Uganda may be half a world away, but that was not too far for the Sunday School at the Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County. All of the kids – and lots of adults – raised over $1500 at a pasta dinner in Teaneck, NJ on Saturday, February 28, 2009, to help the Tororo Orphans Club, which provides a home for about 150 children who have lost their parents to AIDS.

The third annual dinner brought several Ugandan dignitaries and representatives to Teaneck for the event. Mr. Duncan Muhumuza from the Uganda Mission to the UN, helped attendees get to know more about his country, discussed the progress that has been made in dealing with the many challenges they face, and expressed his thanks for the caring and concern shown by the fundraising effort. Mr. Alon Katende, a former member Uganda National Soccer Team, spoke of how far the money raised would go in supporting the children's needs – clothing, education, health care, and a chance for a real childhood . Joe Chumann, Leader of the Bergen Ethical Culture Society, recalled his experiences when he visited the capital city, Kampala, and spoke of the courage he saw in children who often had to raise their young siblings alone.

The Sunday School children helped plan the event, and prepared the decorations and the food, which included five different kinds of pasta sauces. After enjoying the sauces they made, they all took part in activities with an African theme - mask making, mat weaving and Mancala (an African strategy game). Over 130 people attended the dinner, making it by far the most successful event so far.

Cheryl Paley, Artistic Director for the AIDS awareness group NiteStar, first brought the group to the attention of the Ethical Culture Society four years ago. She said that she has been asked how and why the Tororo Orphans' Club was chosen to receive the help, when there are so many others in need. Her simple answer was a great lesson for the Sunday School children: “Just pick someone and help them.”

Pictured from left to right; back row; Mr. Alon Katende former member Uganda National Soccer Team; Mr. Duncan Muhumuza from the Uganda Mission to the UN. front row: Joe Chuman, Leader of the Bergen County Ethical Culture Society; Dr. Muhumuza; Allison Cooke, Director or Religious Education; Evelyn Wolff, Chair of the Religious Education Committee.

Article Contributed by Eric Sandhusen & Lisa Repasky-Sandhusen
Photos provided by Gwenaël Calvez